What is self-compassion, and why is it important?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same care and kindness that you’d show a good friend. Instead of beating yourself up when you’re struggling, it’s about noticing what you’re going through, remembering you’re not alone, and responding with support instead of criticism.
Why does this matter? Because being hard on yourself doesn’t make recovery easier — it makes it heavier. Self-compassion helps us step out of cycles of self-judgment, shame, or “why me?” thoughts, and instead respond with patience and encouragement. Research shows that self-compassion can boost resilience, improve mood, and strengthen motivation. It eases what some call the “double arrow:” First we go through a challenge (stress, illness, or loss), and then we shoot ourselves with a second arrow of self-blame or harsh self-talk. Self-compassion helps us put down that second arrow, so we can focus on healing, hope, and what’s next.
Six ways to practice self-compassion
1. Befriend yourself.
Kindness starts with you. When self-criticism takes over, it’s hard to feel compassion for others, too. One way to break this cycle is to imagine what you’d say to a close friend if they were struggling. What words and tone would you use to comfort them? The next time you put yourself down, see if you can turn the support you would offer a loved one inward. You can also picture a supportive figure in your life — a teacher, mentor, or family member — and imagine the way they’d encourage you in that moment. Then try offering those words to yourself.
2. Create connections.
Compassion grows stronger when we share it. Whether it’s smiling at someone on the bus, texting a quick “thinking of you” to a friend, or holding the door for someone, small acts of kindness can lift your mood and help you see yourself as caring and capable. These tiny connections spark feel-good emotions like hope, gratitude, and optimism — and practicing kindness outwardly can make it easier to show compassion inwardly, too.
3. Talk back to negative thoughts.
When you’re having a tough time, the way you talk to yourself matters. Negative self-talk (“I’ll never get better,” “I can’t handle this”) makes stress feel even heavier. Switching to kinder, more supportive self-talk can help you steady yourself and keep moving toward your goals.
Think of it like being your own best friend or coach — reminding yourself of your strengths, your progress, and the support around you. Some examples:
“Just because I feel anxious or depressed right now doesn’t mean things are hopeless. Feelings pass, and I can get through this.”okay to not want a salad. You don’t have to earn your food, and you don’t need to feel bad about your choices.
“I’ve already gotten through so much — I know I can handle this, too.”
“These feelings are tough, but they don’t control me. I can still take small steps toward what matters to me.”
“I don’t have to go through this by myself. There are people I can reach out to for support.”
4. Find the good things in each day.
Look for small bright spots. Examples could be: “The sun felt warm on my skin when I walked outside,” “The cashier smiled kindly at me,” “My playlist had the perfect song for my mood,” or “I made myself a meal that tasted really good.”
After noticing, pause and name how it made you feel: comforted, hopeful, calm, connected. And where it fits, give yourself credit — maybe you chose to take that walk, reached out to a friend, or cooked for yourself. Recognizing both the good moment and your role in it helps grow gratitude and confidence.
Making this a daily practice can boost mood, shift perspective, and remind you that even in tough times, there are still good things to notice and appreciate.
5. Engage in compassionate actions toward yourself.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish — it’s essential. For example, if rushing in the morning always makes your day harder, give yourself permission to slow down your start. If obligations are crowding out your sleep or peace of mind, consider what boundaries you can set — like adjusting your work schedule, dropping one class, or asking a roommate or family member for support.
Even small steps count. Celebrate those wins: choosing rest, saying no when you need to, or carving out time for something you enjoy. Remember, supporting your well-being is a lifelong practice, and self-compassion means doing your best on this day, whatever that looks like.
6. Take a self-compassion break.
When tough feelings or intrusive thoughts feel overwhelming, you can give yourself a short self-compassion break. It’s a way to pause, acknowledge what’s happening, and remind yourself that you deserve care. Try it in three simple steps:
- Step 1: Notice and name it. Take a breath and say: “This is hard.” Or use your own words: “This hurts,” “This is really uncomfortable.” Naming it helps you validate what you’re feeling instead of fighting it. Oftentimes, by acknowledging the feeling and allowing it to be felt, it can then pass.
- Step 2. Remind yourself you’re not alone in this experience.
Say: “I am not the only one who feels this way.” Or: “Other people struggle, too;” “Everyone has challenges sometimes.” This helps us see that difficult experiences are part of the human experience that we share. This doesn’t take the difficulty away, but it reminds us that we are not alone in struggling, and we can draw strength from others who have been there, too.
- Step 3. Offer yourself kindness.
Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a close friend. For example:- “This won’t last forever.”
- “May I find strength in this moment.”
- “I am more than my suffering.”
- “I deserve kindness, even right now.”
Even a short break like this can shift how you relate to what’s happening with less judgment, and more compassion.
Practicing self-compassion takes time, and it can feel awkward at first. That’s okay. Like any new skill, it gets easier with practice. Also, you don’t have to figure it out by yourself – our Specialty Teams are here to support you as you try out self-compassion strategies, one step at a time. Together, we can help you strengthen your ability to move through times that feel difficult by practicing small acts of kindness toward yourself.
Additional resources to learn about and practice self-compassion:
- Dr. Kristin Neff is an internationally-renowned psychology researcher focused on self-compassion. You can find many more self-compassion practices on her website: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/
- Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) Program. Developed by Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer, MSC offers courses, meditations, and resources for learning self-compassion step by step: centerformsc.org
- Self-Compassion App. The top-ranked self compassion app based on evidence-based criteria, available on Apple and Google Play: https://balancedminds.com/the-self-compassion-app
- Teen Self-Compassion. A peer-curated resource website: https://teenselfcompassion.org
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References
Neff, K. D. (n.d.). Self-compassion. Retrieved September 8, 2025, from https://self-compassion.org/
Mueser, K. T., Penn, D. L., Addington, J., Brunette, M. F., Gingerich, S., Glynn, S. M., Lynde, D. W., Gottlieb, J. D., Meyer-Kalos, P. S., McGurk, S. R., Cather, C., Feldman, J., Leff, H. S., & Kane, J. M. (2015). Illness management and recovery: Individual resiliency training (IRT) therapist manual (Version 4.0). NAVIGATE Program. Retrieved from http://www.navigateconsultants.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/IRT-Manual.pdf